Rebuilding the Invisible
by April Elliott Kent

The chart for this month’s New Moon/Solar Eclipse at 19.54 Gemini shows the Sun and Moon in a tight conjunction with Saturn and opposition with Pluto.  While the Saturn/Plutoopposition that pinned us to the wall from August 2001 to May 2002 will form no further exact aspects this time around, its implication in this eclipse chart suggests the fallout from their brief and tumultuous affair is not completely behind us.  To put this to the test, try to name five people close to you who have not complained of unusual stress in the last month!

Don't name me -- for months I've been the embodiment of Stress.  Because after living in our house for four and a half years, my husband and I decided this was the year we would tackle an enormous renovation project involving the structural integrity of the house.  The main part of the project, which was supposed to last six weeks, ended up lasting three months and being almost unbearably unpleasant.  Meanwhile I was having one of my toughest semesters ever in school, contending with an unreasonable and petty instructor.  With my home under siege, I had no safe, quiet place to retreat to; as of three weeks ago I was gnashing my teeth, having nightmares, and had broken out in a rash!

This week’s solar eclipse and the recent Saturn/Pluto opposition fall in my 1st and 7th houses, squaring my 4th and 10th house cusps.  I’ve been engaged in endless battles and interpersonal challenges (1/7) involving my home life (4) and authority figures (10).  As a result I’ve felt increasingly insecure about my ability to take care of myself (natal Saturn in the 2nd house) and self-destructive about pursuing my education (natal Pluto in the 9th house).  It's all been absolutely miserable – and I'm positive each of you could tell me a story about the last few months of your lives that would be just as bad!

What does it mean when the whole world is stressed out at once?  It's always easier for me to identify such things at the personal, local level – but the terrorist attacks last September, and mounting tensions between old rivals India/Pakistan and Israel/Palestine, make it clear: Something is reawakening old issues, unearthing old conflicts, forcing our hands.  And if you're like me, you suspect there is meaning in this, something to be learned - but not entirely sure what that might be.

The two weeks either side of a solar eclipse seem to be times when intuition is especially strong, stronger even than the ego's need for certainty and supremacy.  For this reason, it's a time when we sometimes feel a little unhinged, but when wisdom is uncommonly available to us.  And in these last unhinged pre-eclipse couple of weeks I’ve had an insight into why so much of my life is in turmoil at the same time.

As we renovate our old house – a house that's seen four owners, the Great Depression and a world war -  we continually run across discoveries of cosmetic or temporary fixes obscuring problems that might have been too costly or demanding for past owners to address properly at the time.  Similarly, I had a pretty ghastly time of it emotionally between about 1995 and 1998, and during that time I filled a lot of gaping holes in my life with flimsy psychological materials that were meant to be temporary fixes for things I always told myself I’d go back and repair later, when I had the strength.  This year I found that I finally had the strength to tackle both the problems with the house and my own problems - but I didn't realize the extent to which fixing one would force me to fix the other.

Right now the house still looks considerably worse than when we started, and I’ve found myself stalked by profound insecurities I remember well from long ago but that I hadn't examined in awhile.  I was telling Dana about this awhile ago and she recounted her healer's analogy about house cleaning – how you pull everything out of a closet to clean it, for instance, and about halfway through the job you deeply regret the whole mess, but by then it's too late to turn back - you can only move forward, through the mess.  And truthfully, I don't really want to turn back, at least not most days!  This has all been pretty hard, but I know it's good work, necessary work. 

With Saturn and Pluto in opposition this year, the world we live in has been forced to examine the quick fixes we've erected to cover real, structural problems.  The world is a bit of a messy closet right now, a series of walls without plaster and subfloors without a strong covering, and as dreadful as it all seems some days, there is no turning back – we have to do something to get the place in shape again.  It's not a time for more quick fixes, but a time to rip out plumbing and wiring and foundations and rebuild it right.

I’ll bet you're tearing out some of the quick fixes in your own life and engaging in some life renovation, even if it doesn't have anything to do with your house.  Maybe it's your job and your health, your skills and education, your finances and self reliance.  It could be relationships with family, friends, partners. Whatever it is, use this New Moon/Eclipse period to let yourself be uncertain and a little crazy, to be as open as possible to your instincts about the situation.  Defy logic and let yourself imagine a future outcome that is worth all the pain - a well organized closet, a house that is sound and beautiful, a world climate that is peaceful. Ask for love, ask for hugs, and above all ask for help – putting your house back in order is much easier and more enjoyable when you've got a bit of company! 

For an in-depth examination of your natal eclipse cycles, order a copy of my exclusive eclipse report, Followed by a Moonshadow.